a reluctant atheist

I'm an atheist who wishes she wasn't. Life would be so much easier!


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Freedom From the Prayer Pressure

There are severe storm and tornado warnings out all around our area. While the sky looks pretty threatening and the air is charged and heavy, it doesn’t have the eerie silence or strange, green cast I’ve seen just before a tornado touches down. I’ve checked all the windows, brought in the lawn furniture and have whatever we’ll need if the power goes out. I’m prepared; now I can work on my writing, read a book or just watch some television (until the power goes out).

tree-and-storm-2

My dog is pacing and whining; he can feel the storm and he hates thunder and lightning. I, on the other hand, am quite relaxed. A few years ago, I would have been on my knees, praying that the storm would pass by; praying that if a tornado did touch down, no one would be seriously hurt. Hoping that God was listening to me. Hoping that my prayers would be enough. The pressure was intense; I was never sure if I was doing enough; the feeling that perhaps I would fall short of whatever I needed to do to protect my family was sometimes overwhelming.

I feel so much freer now that the responsibility of praying is off my shoulders. I no longer feel guilty when I suspect I haven’t been praying enough. I know that as long as I’m prepared for what happens in this world, I no longer have to rely on an inscrutable God who may or may not answer my prayers. I’m in control of my life. I’m free. And the confidence this gives me is amazing.